Just a drawer

Well, Dad and I made a bit of headway, we actually went through the drawer of Moms night table. I am finding that thinking about doing these things is actually harder than just doing them. It was a bittersweet experience. We found things to smile over and those that brought tears to the eyes. 

We found Moms two "bibles". One the Holy Bible which contained clippings of those who have passed before her. The other "bible" was her address book. It is filled with people she has known from childhood and to whom she never forgot to send a birthday or christmas card. Pages dedicated to the addresses of her grandchildren who seem to move from year to year. Bits of paper with changed addresses or new phone numbers and even postcards sent to her.

One drawer contained cards sent to her, graduation announcements and programs of the grandchildren. Even a letter sent by one with postage due: ten cents on it. We found jewelry and gloves that I remember seeing her put on her hands when I was young. I know each thing tucked away had a special memory attached to it. So, needless to say most things went back into the drawer.

I find the more time has passed since I lost my Mom the more she comes to mind in just the everyday things.  I still want to cry and yell out loud  I WANT MY MOM BACK!!!  But that won't work. Tonight I felt the tears begin as I jumped up after dinner saying oh! I have to take my pills. Mom never failed to remind me or ask if I took them.  I like to think she put that thought in my mind.

These past weeks I have found myself trying to objectively evaluate my job and decide if the time has come to move on. I have always felt unappreciated for the work I do. I have always been a concientious employee. I have followed the rules, always on time, going to work with bad back pain, sick, etc. because I knew my co-workers would struggle with me absent.  I have been at this office longer than anyone, even the doctors who own it. I have been through three office managers. One took a dislike to me and to this day I have never figured out why. I have watched others hired after me given raises that  still do not match my salary. (this was under the hateful manger) My theory had always been I did not want to work in the hospital as shifts change and you work holidays and I did not want to miss those times with my children. All of a sudden they were grown and then I never wanted to leave because I accumulated alot of vacation time over the years. (I am up to 29 days plus holidays.)At a new job I would not get time off like that.

As of January we had a new management company take over the office. The reason the doctors brought them in was so that the office would make more money. All I have seen them do is spend more!  The only way I see them saving money is by telling us that they would not pay a portion of our health insurance anymore.  They have increased the workload with a promise of a raise at our anniversary date. For me, it will be October. 

Another factor in my evaluation is my long time co-worker and friend will be leaving. She has macular dystrophy and her vision is poor. She leaves in 10 days. I have gone to the manager and asked two weeks ago that they hire someone to replace her so that they can be trained. My answer was that we had to wait until she left. This means that the job the two of us can never keep up with will be on my shoulders until they hire and train someone. 

With my friend leaving I will be expected to assume the role of clinical nurse manager. I really don't want this task. My plan is to tell them unless this means at least a five dollar an hour raise I will not want the job. A raise like that will cover my health insurance cost. When I tell them that I will be wishing I had a picture of the expression on their face. Their idea of a raise has been fifty cents an hour every five years. They were always "in financial trouble"  My mind is made up. I won't take less as they have created so many new responsibilities under that title that I will be lucky to get anything else done. 

Yet another reason is the new management wants to open the office another night and Saturday. I will not work on a Saturday!!!  They are adding two more full time doctors and increasing hours of doctors there. Yet they only want to hire someone to replace my friend and one medical assistant. Believe me, they should hire an additional two people but they won't.

The girls I will be managing is another issue. Some are good, some want to get away with alot. This is a big reason why I don't really want the position.

I guess I should write some good things. I generally like most of the people I work with. It is close to home so the commute is short and cuts costs on gas. I do have alot of vacation time. If I take the management position I would get to make the schedules and some of the rules.

Guess thats enough ranting for now. What do you think?

The story of little sprout

For those not privy, grandma Denise and I were guessing Nikos length. You must realize his dad, Dean is about six foot eight(or something close to that). Denise said 22 inches and I said 24, as his dad is related to the jolly green giant(forgive me Dean, we love you too) So we decided Niko was little sprout.

We love you little sprout

Isn't my GREAT nephew simply adorable. I just wish I could pick him up and hug him. He took his time arriving, over two weeks late. Niko was born Saturday, april 25th.  The phone had to be charged due to excessive texting and calling between family keeping everyone updated. It seemed like a long day to me, I can only imagine how Kimi and Dean felt! Look at that face, he was sure worth the wait. I just want to issue a warning to all: When he comes to visit in July I want a fair share of holding and spoiling him! He is a great joy in this time of sorrow. The cycle of life, sometimes painful, most times wonderful. I promise to love you without end and will always be there for you little sprout....

Good Week/Bad Week

It has been a week of ups and downs for me. On the upside, I got to spend time with Amy today. We went to an antique festival today at Mullica Hill. Saw lots of old stuff but didn't buy anything.

 I learned a few self defense moves from Ben. He is shocked at my lack of strength and how unconditioned I am. I believe at this moment he is in his room setting up a program to strengthen my core muscles!! 

 In one week Katie will be home and we will be at the Maryland sheep and wool festival. We will spend the weekend looking at yarn and chatting with other knitters.

 Tomorrow I go fishing with Dad which is always a pleasant experience. It will be even better if we catch fish.

Kimi is finally in labor. I think Niko has a penchant for drama. He has built anticipation to def com red and still has not arrived.

On the down side,  reality has begun to set in.  My mom is gone. I find I don't want to leave my dad alone. He seems a bit lost since the last ten years his job has been taking care of her.  Its funny but the unexpected things are what brings on the tears. I found myself crying in an antique store today. I was looking at hand made soaps. I smelled one and said to Amy that it smelled like the perfume in an avon thing I got when I was young. The lady who worked in the store said isn't it funny how smells can bring back memories and I started crying because my mom gave me that perfume.  If I feel like this I can't imagine how my Dad feels.

Well, enough of that. I must go and do some thing before bed. Hopefully news of Niko will come shortly......

Yesterday was the last time I got to look at my moms face, a person I so loved that words can not express. All the tears I shed are selfish because life is hard to imagine without her.  Here is a effort at poetry that probably breaks all rules but it is heartfelt and made me appreciate all my mother was, even more:

My Mothers Hands

I like to think of my mother's hands

when they were young

How her fingers would intertwine

with my dad's hands

Her left hand on the day

My dad placed a ring on her finger 

And promised to love her forever

And he does.

Her hands prepared his food

And washed his clothes

And gave love without end

Her hands helped to build

The house they lived in

And made that house a home

Those gentle hands greeted us

As we came into this world

And we came to know the touch of love

Her hands fed us, washed us and

Changed our diapers

They encouraged us to walk

Into her ever open arms

Her hands hugged us

When we needed love

Corrected us when they needed to

Tenderly they touched our fevered brow

Soothing away our discomfort

I wonder how many meals they cooked

Or the number of dishes and 

clothes they washed

Her hands cleaned our home

Working their entire life

I never remember a complaint

When I think of those hands

How much they gave

I am amazed

Now I think of those hands

Aged with time

They will never reach out to me

Again on this earth

In my heart and mind

They will always touch me

with the memory of their love

when I die and leave this earth

Those hands will once again

Gather me into her arms

Then will my heart be whole again

Its the little things

This is the third day since my Mom died. I find myself crying over the most random things. I keep telling myself its good to cry. 

As everyone knows my Mom had a thing for curtains. She had about five pairs that she would change in the kitchen every couple of months. As she slowed down I took over the task as it just seemed to brighten her day. My plan was to change them before she came home from the hospital. She has a set that is yellow and blue and always put them up in the spring as it made the kitchen cheerful. I put these up today thinking of her the whole time. My next step is the bathroom. I have a hard time going in there as I had bought a nice aqua colored rugs and towels to go with a new butterfly shower curtain. That was to be my surprise when she made it home. I wish I told her now but maybe she knows and sees.

Right now the house is quiet, we had family here Thursday and Friday which kept us busy with all the planning. Today we did stuff in the morning but as afternoon came I found Dad and I sitting in the living room not knowing what to do with ourselves. We always seemed to be doing things for Mom and now we had free time and couldn't even bring ourselves to watch TV. My heart breaks with the thought that when I return to work, what will my Dad do? His life for the past five years was taking care of Mom. Thank goodness the weather is nice and he can do things in the garden next month. I guess he will occasionally go fishing when his friend goes. I told him today I will teach him how to go on the Internet. He just shrugged his shoulders and went to lay on the bed. I came upstairs so he could have some privacy. 

I finished putting pictures on boards to be viewed by everyone Monday night. I cried as I did it but told myself it was good therapy. The family seemed to enjoy looking at them. 

Tomorrow my brother and I are going fishing with my Dad. We thought we would take a break before the funeral and do something together. I will bring my camera and take some shots and write about our day on my next blog.

I haven't been blogging lately as my Mom has been very sick. She went to the hospital over a month ago with pneumonia/congestive heart failure. This was something new for her.  After a two week stay they sent her to rehab which lasted only 4 days and then she was back in the hospital again with CHF. Two more weeks and she seemed to be getting better, eating good. They sent her back to rehab and she took a turn for the worse. It seemed like night and day, the difference in her. She couldn't eat, she was nauseous and her breathing seemed worse. We could barely get her to eat anything and she just seemed to be wasting away. When I saw her yesterday she told me an angel was sitting there waiting for her.

 Tonight when I was there she told me she had the dry heaves all day. I went to ask the nurse to get something ordered for her nausea and when I got back to the room she was really bad. The medical assistant took her vitals. Her B.P. was 55/37, and her heart rate 43. We took her over to the ER which was a two minute walk through hallways. When we got there they began asking me so many questions and I had to make some decisions regarding what they would do for her. Thank God she had basically made some of those decisions earlier and I just had to let them know what she wanted. I called Dad to come.  Mom was able to shake her head yes and no so we could get her input on some of those things. They put her on a bipap which forces oxygen into your lungs as her oxygen levels were way low. They put her on a dopamine drip to keep her heart rate and BP up. I am glad I said yes to these things as this gave Dad a chance to get there.

The doctor came in and explained that the blood tests showed she was in CHF again and that she also had damage to her heart from the lack of oxygen and decreased blood pressure. She said they could give her more dopamine to keep her going. At this point Mom shook her head no. she was just tired of fighting and going through all that. Her heart had done eighty years of work and was tired. So we let them unhook the stuff and talked to her until her last breath. My faithful Dad, who stayed by her side each day as long as he could, held her hand and told her it was alright, she could close her eyes and take a rest, her would be with her again.

I assured her of how each one of the family loved her and how good she was to all of us. Her children and grandchildren loved her. I said her Mom was there to give her a hug and that someday I would be there with her too.

So, Dad, Ben and I held onto her as her heart beat for the last time and took her last breath. I think I am crying for myself now as I have lost my dear Mom. What will I do without her? She was always there. I guess I will just take one day at a time and find a way. I loved you with all my heart Mom and will never forget the sweet memories we had together....

Return to Childhood!

This weekend was the height of any weather forecasters dreams. They love an approaching storm and make the most of it. As the hours went by their predictions escalated. Usually south Jersey gets the edge of the snow but this was to be a nor'easter and they were estimating 8-10 inches of snow. As I lay in bed last night I revisited those childhood memories of being excited at the thought of no school. Now as an adult the only change is the venue. The thought of no work had me still awake at 12:30 and up at 5:30. By 6:45 my hopes were squashed. I put on my boots, coat and started the task of snow removal . There was about eight to nine inches at that time so I shoveled the back and was doing the front of the house when my girlfriend called and said no work. Yeah! but a little to late to lay in bed. So I finished up and went in to warm up. (It was 23 degrees) Its 10:30 and work never called me. Thank God for friends. I have been back out twice clearing the paths I made. I still have yet to clean off my car. I wish I could grab a sled and find a good hill. I don't think you ever get too old for that. Building a snow fort is out of the question. The neighbors would assume I really lost it. But memories of those times are wonderful to think about. 

Forgive me as I digress.....

I remember when I was young (ugh!! now I sound like an old fart) we kids would all head out to play. Snowball fights, snowmen, and snow forts. Mom would put hot chocolate in my school thermos and we would snuggle down in our fort to drink it. Then our mothers would call us in as in our efforts to do all that we would not realize how cold it was and needed to warm up.

another good memory was when we would go sledding. Just not friends, but families. We would bundle up and head to the hill behind our neighbors house. This was a hill in the woods where you must navigate trees. Now I know some of the grand kids may have a hard time imagining Grandmom and Pop sledding, but they did. At one point, and forgive my failing memory, but grandmom flopped on Pop(or the other way around) and down the hill they went on top of each other and laughing all the way. 

Was my day good or bad?

This week at work was quite unbelievable. Working at an office of over 30,000 patients is usually like working at a three ring circus. Lots of demanding patients and limited staff usually keeps me on my toes. But Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday was a breeze. I awoke this morning thinking just two more days and then the weekend! Little did I realize that all the problems and general nut cases would decide to wait to call or come in until today.  That was the bad part of my day.

The good part was when a patient gave me a hundred dollar bill. Nice. At least one patient appreciates my hard work! After fleeing the office at 4:30 I arrived home to find a letter sent by certified mail from the attorney general. To my surprise it contained a check for seventy five dollars. Years ago Amy and I joined a gym which closed without notice a couple of months later. This was the settlement. Unexpected but nice.

I asked Ben to get me a lottery ticket at the local store since all my luck today  revolved around money. The local store had closed its doors. I took that as a sign that the lottery thing wouldn't have worked. Oh well. 

Spring is Coming

Each year as winter slowly creeps along I begin to look for the first signs of Spring. If you are a warm weather lover like me you can identify. Recently we had several days of above forty degree temps which is hopeful. My one signature sign of spring is when the robins come. They are like the ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. This week a whole flock appeared so it seems they are traveling back. In my mind I see the forsythia showing its bright yellow coat and green shoots of tulips and daffodils poking through the earth. Everything becomes new again, what a wonderful season.

Yesterday I attended my first Flyers hockey game. We had tickets 12 rows from the ice, which is quite a score, them being given to us. They normally sell for 96 bucks.  I had watched them on TV but found a real appreciation seeing it live. Those men are truly talented skaters and their hand-eye coordination is phenomenal. I got to see players fight and people in the stands fight. I got to see them score a goal when they were down one man. For a first game I believe I saw the whole spectrum. I get to go back again Wednesday night. I never go for 52 years of my life and now twice in one week. Go Flyers!

Catching up

Thought I would catch everyone up on the family news.

Amy and Craig:

They returned from their honeymoon of ten days in Jamaica. They had a small cottage right on the ocean in a resort called Jake's Beach. The photos are lovely and they had a wonderful time. They returned a day after we got eight inches of snow. They also added a new member of the family, named Lulu. She is a four month old Pit Bull found wandering the streets of Philly. I went to personally welcome her to the family and found her to be the sweetest dog. If you sit down, she is on your lap! Her face looks sad and she is not pretty but has a wonderful disposition.

Ben:

Graduated from Massage Therapy and got himself a job at Toppers in Philadelphia. Contemplating an apartment in the city when he makes enough for the expenses. In the meantime he spends his off time(which hasn't been much) out with friends.

Katie:

Moved back to California. She has partnered with two other lawyers and formed their own firm which seems to be doing well. She bought an infinity SUV and rented a two bedroom condo. Hope to visit her near summer if possible.

Me:

I am finally over the back pain and trying to put the house to rights. It sounds easy to write but believe me, its alot of work. As I get wedding photos I will scrapbook them. Tomorrow I start the search for an appropriate outfit to wear to the next event. Craig's parents are throwing a champagne brunch so all their family and friends who could not come to the wedding can attend this. I have been invited and will go as the family representative. I will try not to bring any embarrassment upon the clan!

Grandmom and Pop:

During the winter their consists of sleep, eat, TV and doctors appointments. Pop gets to cook. They did get a new mattress yesterday which grandmom loves and Pop woke up with back pain. We will see what the night brings.

I think that is the relevant news of the week. Stay Tuned for any developments.

Fantasy Date

Thought I would share what conspired at work today. I was sitting at my desk all morning. As people would come and go they would be chatting about what they were doing for Valentines Day. One girl had been talking about her date for the past two weeks. I heard about every restaurant and its menu. I heard about who was getting chocolates. Two girls had flowers delivered to the office. As the subject continued to be embellished, my mind formed a plan.

I cut a big pink heart out and tacked it to my bulletin board. Attached was a picture of the studly Brad Pitt, all buff for his scene as Achilles in the movie Troy. Written on the heart was: "my valentine and I will be dining on Chick-Fila. The girls gathered around and laughed but little did they know that is what was being delivered for lunch today. As we all lined up and filled our plates then sat to eat, there was Brad attached to the adjacent chair.

The lesson for them was: Fantasy can be much better than reality!!

white to gray

Snow has been falling all day. Just a light snow that has covered its white blanket and causes the outside noise to be muffled giving our ears respite. The sky has that nice look of dull metal and causes the tones of light to filter differently. Colors are muted and thngs look fresh. I am writing this tonight knowing that tomorrow will bring gray slush as cars make their way to work and the growing synphony of noise that comes with the day. Life goes on. May you know peace and contentment throughout the day my friends and family.

Today I had to say goodbye to my brother. He just retired from his job of 36 years. Tomorrow he will move to South Carolina. Of course they are predicting snow, I just hope it waits till he is out of the snow zone. 

My, how fast the time flies. It seems not that long ago that we were little and he was proving his dominance over me by some torturous method. No we really didn't have that many conflicts. He is five years older and I was his pesky sister who tried to horn in on his play time with the neighborhood kids. He used to try scaring my friend Sandy and I by throwing his green blanket over his head and pretending to be the "green ghost". We would scream and giggle which led to Pop yelling up the stairs at us to calm down and be quiet. As the saying goes, revenge is sweet. The next time he came in the room trying that we pulled off the blanket and saw his blue polka dot boxers!!

We each grew, got married and started having children. Our holidays and birthdays together. Egg hunts, Christmas eve, etc. Many wonderful memories for our children and us. Now I fear those times have ended. Our hair turns gray and we watch our parents fade. It can be sad if we let it. But it can also be wonderful. I think as we age we began to realize that the most important things in life are relationships and begin to treasure those around us. We can anticipate our family growing as the children marry and bring new ones to the family to love. We look forward to any grandchildren that may come. This is the cycle of life and it seems that each day passes a bit more quickly than the last.

So as I think of my brother driving south I must remember those years we have spent together and look forward to when we see each other again.  I fear those times may not be many but may they be full of love and treasured in our hearts. Good bye my only sibling....

Thoughts for the end of January

Today I finally took down the Christmas tree and the rest of the decorations. It was one of those thoughts that didn't quite work the way I thought it would.  Since Katie did not come home for Christmas I had thought I would leave everything up as she would be here for the wedding. I just never planned on the sciatica problem which has led to me just getting the stuff down. I still can't carry it to the storage so Ben will have to come to my aid. If it hit February I would have had to decorated it for valentines day. 

Things seem to be sliding back to their usual routine. Work each day, laundry, cleaning, etc. now is when I hanker to begin planning vacations. It is a bit of a quandary as Katie has now become a partner in a law firm in California so I imagine she will be busy with her responsibilities and unable to get away for awhile. Amy just returned from her honeymoon and returned to work. Ben is just finishing massage therapy and job hunting.  So I assume I will be taking my vacation by myself or holding off until later in the year. I guess its just nice to dream of sunny beaches and balmy breezes when reality is scraping frosty windows in the freezing cold. I am just glad I was not born in North Dakota. UGH!!

Winter weather

I just read my neice Alysas blog about the Boston weather. I had just finished giving Ben the send off as he went out for the night: Be careful! Its started snowing. To which he informed me that he is just driving to the speed line to catch a train over to the city. As he left wearing a sweatshirt....

I guess someday when he sends his child out into the snow he will know how I felt at this moment.

After reading Alysa's blog I somehow feel better that at least our forecast is not as bad and he really won't be driving that far. Now I get to worry about her. Does life as a parent never end? I say that with a smile as it has been the favorite part  of my life :)

I find myself thinking of blue skies and balmy breezes, wishing that I had the cash for a nice southern vacation. At least Amy and Craig are on the beach in Jamaica enjoying it.  I guess if we didn't have winter we wouldn't appreciate the warm days as much or is that just a way to justify our existence in the northeast? Something to ponder as the snow collects on the railings of the porch and silence reigns outside.

Growing up

I think we are given children for many, many reasons. They bring great joy to life and remind us of our own youth. 

I was thinking about Ben.  He is 22 now and thinking about going out on his own. About to graduate from massage therapy and begin in the working world.  This is when you contemplate how well you did as a parent. Did I teach him the things he needs to know? I guess time will answer that question. I wish him the excitement of living on his own and the wisdom to deal with new situations and decisions.  

As he makes new friends and acquaintances I hope they recognize the special man that he is. My little boy, grown up.  His heart is big and may he never lose the compassion that lurks within it. I will always be proud to call him my son.

I wrote about moving Katie and after reviewing it I thought I should explain that it was not a letter of complaint, rather a review of how things never seem to go smoothly for my oldest.  No matter how much planning takes place or how prepared things seem,  Murphy's law abounds.  In life there are people who always appear to have everything they want and whatever they desire seems to fall in place for them.  I may have passed along a bad luck gene. Perhaps the stars are not aligned. I guess everyone feels this happens to them sometimes. It just happens to her 95% of the time. I try to figure out the why of it and have not been enlightened as yet.  

I do know that she possesses a wealth of courage and gumption. She strives for her dreams. No matter what happens and how bad the situation may seem she picks herself up and moves on. I think there is a lesson in that for us.  Life rarely goes the way we envision it. It twists and turns, bringing us joy and at times despair. I have learned through watching her to never give up but forge on ahead. Life is an adventure if we let it be.

Katie on the Move

Can I count how many times I have helped my Katie move? Probably not.  I know it is more than I can count on both hands. I always wonder if it is something in her genes? Or, is it because we moved so much when she was young?  I don't know if there is an answer to that question. 

Last weekend as the wedding took place, we also were packing up Katie's stuff. I must say I was not much of a help, other than emotional support. Aaron, Ben and Katie packed and moved boxes to the storage area. Then Denise pitched in to help at that point.

Can I also add that when it comes to moving day something always goes notoriously wrong. She had scheduled this date to move a month and a half ago. Low and behold, she went to pick up the truck and was told it was broken down. This led to her "convincing" them to rent her another truck and having to drive and pick the new one up.  They loaded up the truck.  Some things were in the back of my car as they would not fit into the truck. We then had to drive to the shipping company and move it all into a cube.  May I say a cube that was much smaller than the truck. As we began to unload the truck it decided to snow and did it come down. We tried in vain not to let the boxes get too wet.  The day ended with Katie sacrificing her end and coffee table, TV and microwave. 

Trying to shut the door on the cube turned into an even bigger dilemma. After 45 minutes of pushing, pulling and near cursing the door would not shut.  They took a look and decided to call a mechanic. Another 45 minutes until he came. It took him and two other men with crowbars, hammers and muscle to get the thing closed. Now my only worry is when they open it. I can only imagine a jack in the box springing open and things flying all over the place!!!

I guess overall, it was just another move in the life of Katie, experiencing the unexpected and greeting it with laughter.

Post wedding thoughts

I remember that as the wedding plans began to take place I was a bit dismayed that it was to be sweet and simple. I guess As the kids grew I had imagined the big wedding, all the pre wedding occasions such as bridal showers, rehearsal dinner, etc.  I had thought there would be a big celebration with dancing, boquet throwing and all else that goes with the territory. I had to take myself in hand and realize that this was my childs wedding and not mine. As plans began to form and decisions were being made I made an effort to be helpful and not make too many suggestions as that was an easy road to go down. I think I did fairly well, I guess we can ask Amy how I did. She made me feel such a part of the wedding and included me in as much as the planning as possible. She has a big heart and much sensitivity.

Looking back, I think she did it the right way. The day represented Craig and her as a couple. It was elegant yet fun.  Those who attended got a glimpse of the love they share.  It was a wonderful evening full of good food, conversation and celebration. 

Wedding Day

Well, the day we had been waiting for had finally come.  In case you didn't know I Will go back in time to when the wedding was to be in Jamaica. This was Plan Number One. Everyone was to go to the Blue Mountain region in Jamaica for the wedding . This was until most people backed out at the last minute and caused the happy couple to become unhappy, losing their ten thousand dollar deposit. ( now I justify the title unsolicited rantings!)  This led to a super nice vacation for them and onto Plan Number Two. After perusing the Knot and every bridal magazine available, we then went on the hunt to find the "perfect place" in the Delaware Valley to hold a wedding. We found a winery, historic locations and trendy spots, but anything with the word" wedding "or "bridal" attached to it held escalated price tags that left our jaws hanging open. Thus Plan Number Three was hatched. This time the Turks and Caicos was the chosen spot. This settled well with me, I love to travel and have never been to the Caribbean. A wedding and vacation all in one. This dream was crushed and then began the quest for Miami and Plan Number Four. I am not quite sure why this idea never evolved further than research, so I will leave that question to the past. 

At this point I must state that the happy couple just wanted to get married. They needed not the drama of a big affair, they just wanted to get married. As the possibility of a Philadelphia wedding evolved, they kept  secret  the plans until all was final and sent out the invitations. It was official! 

Now I get to tell you about my day of the wedding. I was in charge of picking up the cake and set off at 9 am. They brought the cake out and gave me a peek at it. Much to my horror, it was not what I had ordered. at this point, I began to cry. I did feel sorry for the teenage girl waiting on me. What do you say to the M.O.B. when she starts crying and you are only 16! She promptly fled the area and sent the baker out. His idea of customer relations was to argue with me. I guess he thought he could convince me that the cake before me was what I wanted.  It was too late to change it so I put the cake in the car and cried on the way to the florist. Finally, I had to take myself to task and realize that it was just a cake and not a matter of life and death. So, onto the florist only to find that instead of sticking with my order of just plain white flowers, he thought spraying the leaves gold would be better. Only he missed the leaves and sprayed some of the flowers gold! At this point I just hoped that all the mistakes were under our belt and things could only get better.

With the car loaded we headed for the city. The wedding was being held on the 20th floor of the Raddisson Plaza-Warwick Hotel. We checked in and rushed off to get our hair done. Everyone was on the agenda but somehow I was overlooked. They worked me into the schedule and managed to do a fair job. Yet another jaw dropping experience when they said it would be $120.00 for an up-do. No shampoo. No cut. Just pinned up my unwashed hair. 

Next was the make-up appointment.  When I called to make the appointment They thought I was the bride and told me the cost would be $60.. I corrected them, I am the mother of the Bride, which brought the bill down to $45. I must say, the day was beginning to look up! A fifteen dollar discount because I came under the category of MOB. I think they have it backwards. Making a 50 year old look good is more work and time consuming than my 29 year old daughter. Then we were back to the hotel to grab a quick bite to eat. Up to the ceremony space to arrange flowers , pictures and candles. Then down to the restaurant to arrange flowers on the cake that was not the cake that I ordered.

Now it was time to get dressed and help my daughter dress for her wedding and act like all that went on that day never happened.  Her desire was to have a quiet intimate affair with close family and friends. This is what she had. 

She looked beautiful in her diamond white dress with its corset back and rhinestone enhanced sash. Her curly brown hair held back with the feather and rhinestone hairpiece I fashioned. Her feet encased in feather decorated heels and her bouquet of peonies surrounded with ostrich feathers, just as she wished. Surrounded by her dearest friends she was gifted with something old, new, borrowed and blue. she called her grand mom on the phone before we left for the ceremony.

She was escorted in by her brother and married by her best friend. The room was filled with dear family and friends. Candles glowed and music played softly on the grand piano at the rear of the room. There was a reading by friends.  Bride and groom shared  letters  to each other . Then the moment came when they were married. The goal reached and the celebration began. Each person will walk away with their own memory of that day. As I read what I wrote, which does seem like ranting at points, but I wish to allow you to know what I took away with me that day. The cake, the flowers, the hair, the make up and all else was just stuff. Not really important. The important things were she was surrounded by those who truly loved and cared for her. She was marrying the man who will share her life through good times and bad. Yes, she looked beautiful and things went without a hitch. But may she remember the look in his eyes as they promised to love each other.  Remember the love of family and friends who shared this most important day.  I didn't lose a daughter, I gained more family and friends. This is just a beginning of a new chapter in our lives.

January 23, 2009

Today I recieved an invitation to view a blog written by my neice, Alysa. She has inspired me to write my own. I titled it unsolicited rants, as I am not sure that anyone else will wish to read my rambling thoughts but I will give it a try.

I am 52 years old and have never kept a journal, which is one of those things that you wished you did as you look back. When your mind is young you believe you will remember everything but then reality strikes.  Well, there is no time like the present.  I will try to record something of what happens in my life and comment on what it means to me.

On January 17, three important events took place to three distinct members of my family. first, my neice Kimi turned twenty nine years old. When I think of her I see that ever present smile which creates in me a lightness of heart. I just attended her baby shower and still see the glow that had shown on her face.

Secondly, my other neice, Alysa, became engaged to Gabe. I think she deserved someone as creative and fun as she has always been.  May they always know happiness.

The third event was that of my daughter Amy and her wedding day. I think I will create a seperate article covering this important event. It was a day that was special and showcased the elegant person she is.