The story of little sprout

For those not privy, grandma Denise and I were guessing Nikos length. You must realize his dad, Dean is about six foot eight(or something close to that). Denise said 22 inches and I said 24, as his dad is related to the jolly green giant(forgive me Dean, we love you too) So we decided Niko was little sprout.

We love you little sprout

Isn't my GREAT nephew simply adorable. I just wish I could pick him up and hug him. He took his time arriving, over two weeks late. Niko was born Saturday, april 25th.  The phone had to be charged due to excessive texting and calling between family keeping everyone updated. It seemed like a long day to me, I can only imagine how Kimi and Dean felt! Look at that face, he was sure worth the wait. I just want to issue a warning to all: When he comes to visit in July I want a fair share of holding and spoiling him! He is a great joy in this time of sorrow. The cycle of life, sometimes painful, most times wonderful. I promise to love you without end and will always be there for you little sprout....

Good Week/Bad Week

It has been a week of ups and downs for me. On the upside, I got to spend time with Amy today. We went to an antique festival today at Mullica Hill. Saw lots of old stuff but didn't buy anything.

 I learned a few self defense moves from Ben. He is shocked at my lack of strength and how unconditioned I am. I believe at this moment he is in his room setting up a program to strengthen my core muscles!! 

 In one week Katie will be home and we will be at the Maryland sheep and wool festival. We will spend the weekend looking at yarn and chatting with other knitters.

 Tomorrow I go fishing with Dad which is always a pleasant experience. It will be even better if we catch fish.

Kimi is finally in labor. I think Niko has a penchant for drama. He has built anticipation to def com red and still has not arrived.

On the down side,  reality has begun to set in.  My mom is gone. I find I don't want to leave my dad alone. He seems a bit lost since the last ten years his job has been taking care of her.  Its funny but the unexpected things are what brings on the tears. I found myself crying in an antique store today. I was looking at hand made soaps. I smelled one and said to Amy that it smelled like the perfume in an avon thing I got when I was young. The lady who worked in the store said isn't it funny how smells can bring back memories and I started crying because my mom gave me that perfume.  If I feel like this I can't imagine how my Dad feels.

Well, enough of that. I must go and do some thing before bed. Hopefully news of Niko will come shortly......

Yesterday was the last time I got to look at my moms face, a person I so loved that words can not express. All the tears I shed are selfish because life is hard to imagine without her.  Here is a effort at poetry that probably breaks all rules but it is heartfelt and made me appreciate all my mother was, even more:

My Mothers Hands

I like to think of my mother's hands

when they were young

How her fingers would intertwine

with my dad's hands

Her left hand on the day

My dad placed a ring on her finger 

And promised to love her forever

And he does.

Her hands prepared his food

And washed his clothes

And gave love without end

Her hands helped to build

The house they lived in

And made that house a home

Those gentle hands greeted us

As we came into this world

And we came to know the touch of love

Her hands fed us, washed us and

Changed our diapers

They encouraged us to walk

Into her ever open arms

Her hands hugged us

When we needed love

Corrected us when they needed to

Tenderly they touched our fevered brow

Soothing away our discomfort

I wonder how many meals they cooked

Or the number of dishes and 

clothes they washed

Her hands cleaned our home

Working their entire life

I never remember a complaint

When I think of those hands

How much they gave

I am amazed

Now I think of those hands

Aged with time

They will never reach out to me

Again on this earth

In my heart and mind

They will always touch me

with the memory of their love

when I die and leave this earth

Those hands will once again

Gather me into her arms

Then will my heart be whole again

Its the little things

This is the third day since my Mom died. I find myself crying over the most random things. I keep telling myself its good to cry. 

As everyone knows my Mom had a thing for curtains. She had about five pairs that she would change in the kitchen every couple of months. As she slowed down I took over the task as it just seemed to brighten her day. My plan was to change them before she came home from the hospital. She has a set that is yellow and blue and always put them up in the spring as it made the kitchen cheerful. I put these up today thinking of her the whole time. My next step is the bathroom. I have a hard time going in there as I had bought a nice aqua colored rugs and towels to go with a new butterfly shower curtain. That was to be my surprise when she made it home. I wish I told her now but maybe she knows and sees.

Right now the house is quiet, we had family here Thursday and Friday which kept us busy with all the planning. Today we did stuff in the morning but as afternoon came I found Dad and I sitting in the living room not knowing what to do with ourselves. We always seemed to be doing things for Mom and now we had free time and couldn't even bring ourselves to watch TV. My heart breaks with the thought that when I return to work, what will my Dad do? His life for the past five years was taking care of Mom. Thank goodness the weather is nice and he can do things in the garden next month. I guess he will occasionally go fishing when his friend goes. I told him today I will teach him how to go on the Internet. He just shrugged his shoulders and went to lay on the bed. I came upstairs so he could have some privacy. 

I finished putting pictures on boards to be viewed by everyone Monday night. I cried as I did it but told myself it was good therapy. The family seemed to enjoy looking at them. 

Tomorrow my brother and I are going fishing with my Dad. We thought we would take a break before the funeral and do something together. I will bring my camera and take some shots and write about our day on my next blog.

I haven't been blogging lately as my Mom has been very sick. She went to the hospital over a month ago with pneumonia/congestive heart failure. This was something new for her.  After a two week stay they sent her to rehab which lasted only 4 days and then she was back in the hospital again with CHF. Two more weeks and she seemed to be getting better, eating good. They sent her back to rehab and she took a turn for the worse. It seemed like night and day, the difference in her. She couldn't eat, she was nauseous and her breathing seemed worse. We could barely get her to eat anything and she just seemed to be wasting away. When I saw her yesterday she told me an angel was sitting there waiting for her.

 Tonight when I was there she told me she had the dry heaves all day. I went to ask the nurse to get something ordered for her nausea and when I got back to the room she was really bad. The medical assistant took her vitals. Her B.P. was 55/37, and her heart rate 43. We took her over to the ER which was a two minute walk through hallways. When we got there they began asking me so many questions and I had to make some decisions regarding what they would do for her. Thank God she had basically made some of those decisions earlier and I just had to let them know what she wanted. I called Dad to come.  Mom was able to shake her head yes and no so we could get her input on some of those things. They put her on a bipap which forces oxygen into your lungs as her oxygen levels were way low. They put her on a dopamine drip to keep her heart rate and BP up. I am glad I said yes to these things as this gave Dad a chance to get there.

The doctor came in and explained that the blood tests showed she was in CHF again and that she also had damage to her heart from the lack of oxygen and decreased blood pressure. She said they could give her more dopamine to keep her going. At this point Mom shook her head no. she was just tired of fighting and going through all that. Her heart had done eighty years of work and was tired. So we let them unhook the stuff and talked to her until her last breath. My faithful Dad, who stayed by her side each day as long as he could, held her hand and told her it was alright, she could close her eyes and take a rest, her would be with her again.

I assured her of how each one of the family loved her and how good she was to all of us. Her children and grandchildren loved her. I said her Mom was there to give her a hug and that someday I would be there with her too.

So, Dad, Ben and I held onto her as her heart beat for the last time and took her last breath. I think I am crying for myself now as I have lost my dear Mom. What will I do without her? She was always there. I guess I will just take one day at a time and find a way. I loved you with all my heart Mom and will never forget the sweet memories we had together....