Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Just a drawer

Well, Dad and I made a bit of headway, we actually went through the drawer of Moms night table. I am finding that thinking about doing these things is actually harder than just doing them. It was a bittersweet experience. We found things to smile over and those that brought tears to the eyes. 
We found Moms two "bibles". One the Holy Bible which contained clippings of those who have passed before her. The other "bible" was her address book. It is filled with people she has known from childhood and to whom she never forgot to send a birthday or christmas card. Pages dedicated to the addresses of her grandchildren who seem to move from year to year. Bits of paper with changed addresses or new phone numbers and even postcards sent to her.
One drawer contained cards sent to her, graduation announcements and programs of the grandchildren. Even a letter sent by one with postage due: ten cents on it. We found jewelry and gloves that I remember seeing her put on her hands when I was young. I know each thing tucked away had a special memory attached to it. So, needless to say most things went back into the drawer.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I find the more time has passed since I lost my Mom the more she comes to mind in just the everyday things.  I still want to cry and yell out loud  I WANT MY MOM BACK!!!  But that won't work. Tonight I felt the tears begin as I jumped up after dinner saying oh! I have to take my pills. Mom never failed to remind me or ask if I took them.  I like to think she put that thought in my mind.

Friday, May 15, 2009

These past weeks I have found myself trying to objectively evaluate my job and decide if the time has come to move on. I have always felt unappreciated for the work I do. I have always been a concientious employee. I have followed the rules, always on time, going to work with bad back pain, sick, etc. because I knew my co-workers would struggle with me absent.  I have been at this office longer than anyone, even the doctors who own it. I have been through three office managers. One took a dislike to me and to this day I have never figured out why. I have watched others hired after me given raises that  still do not match my salary. (this was under the hateful manger) My theory had always been I did not want to work in the hospital as shifts change and you work holidays and I did not want to miss those times with my children. All of a sudden they were grown and then I never wanted to leave because I accumulated alot of vacation time over the years. (I am up to 29 days plus holidays.)At a new job I would not get time off like that.
As of January we had a new management company take over the office. The reason the doctors brought them in was so that the office would make more money. All I have seen them do is spend more!  The only way I see them saving money is by telling us that they would not pay a portion of our health insurance anymore.  They have increased the workload with a promise of a raise at our anniversary date. For me, it will be October. 
Another factor in my evaluation is my long time co-worker and friend will be leaving. She has macular dystrophy and her vision is poor. She leaves in 10 days. I have gone to the manager and asked two weeks ago that they hire someone to replace her so that they can be trained. My answer was that we had to wait until she left. This means that the job the two of us can never keep up with will be on my shoulders until they hire and train someone. 
With my friend leaving I will be expected to assume the role of clinical nurse manager. I really don't want this task. My plan is to tell them unless this means at least a five dollar an hour raise I will not want the job. A raise like that will cover my health insurance cost. When I tell them that I will be wishing I had a picture of the expression on their face. Their idea of a raise has been fifty cents an hour every five years. They were always "in financial trouble"  My mind is made up. I won't take less as they have created so many new responsibilities under that title that I will be lucky to get anything else done. 
Yet another reason is the new management wants to open the office another night and Saturday. I will not work on a Saturday!!!  They are adding two more full time doctors and increasing hours of doctors there. Yet they only want to hire someone to replace my friend and one medical assistant. Believe me, they should hire an additional two people but they won't.
The girls I will be managing is another issue. Some are good, some want to get away with alot. This is a big reason why I don't really want the position.
I guess I should write some good things. I generally like most of the people I work with. It is close to home so the commute is short and cuts costs on gas. I do have alot of vacation time. If I take the management position I would get to make the schedules and some of the rules.
Guess thats enough ranting for now. What do you think?